Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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