Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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