Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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