I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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