bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
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