I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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