Swine flu. Run for my life!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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