ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
