why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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