under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
