Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
