Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
