piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
