she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
