I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i think my cat just said my name.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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