i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
