In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
