"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How naked do you want me to be?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
