she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
