It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
