In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
time to smoke my breakfast
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
