I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
