Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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