Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He better not be in your backpack
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize