You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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