btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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