that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
