Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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