I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
