R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
