hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Semen is not good for contacts.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
