She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
