operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
