im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
