According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
