just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
