I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
