if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she smelled like a LAN party
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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