look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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