dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize