im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
