I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
