You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
