I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
