Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
