I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
