my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
