i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
