TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
