Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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