I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
