I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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