My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
