I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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