If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
