why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
