If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
