hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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