I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
