hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
