I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
