Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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