We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
