If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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