I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
