Having a random hookup so left but love u
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
then he tried to convert me to islam
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Randomize
