Cold hands, warm shart.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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