Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
