I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
