her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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